Listening to Shined Nickels and Loose Change, the collection of scattered songs by D.C. retro-fashion punks the Rondelles, had an inspirational effect on me. It made me want to invent updated 60s dances for the 21st Century. I mean, despite all its obvious merits, the Froog really hasn't stood the test of time that well. But, being the Terpsichorean genius that I am, it was with little effort that I concocted the following 14 rug-cutters for immediate infiltration into the "popular" culture-- one for each track on Shined Nickels, each designed to reflect the character and quality of the song that inspired it. Make sure you practice in front of a mirror, kids!

And there you have it. As soon as you've mastered these, head straight to your favorite clubs and indie dive bars to give them a test drive. Make sure you tell your friends where you learned them, because I guarantee they will ask.