“I tried. I did. I wanted to be excited for the release of Minor Threat's first demo, recently unearthed after being buried alive in the dank recesses of Dischord's vault. I listened to it at volume levels that made my brain beg my volume-hand for mercy. I threw myself against the walls, broke my furniture, and got into fistfights with cops that I called over myself. I got drunk and tried being ash”
